Dream Jobs

On our recent trip to Maui we took a fun helicopter ride around the island. It would be my first time in a helicopter, and my pre-disposition to motion sickness made me apprehensive about the ride. Thankfully it was a fairly smooth trip, and the 45-minute ride was the perfect amount of time in the air.


But it got me thinking—being a helicopter pilot would be pretty darn cool, but I doubt I could handle the motions on a regular basis. So on my list of career decisions, helicopter pilot is out.

Like most kids, I’d always hear, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Most of the time you hear the big stuff like “astronaut” or “movie star.” Then as you get older, those rose-colored glasses start to peel..like a bad 1980s car window-tinting. And then you realize that you’re just not cut out for some of those careers.

Here’s my list of dream jobs that never will come to fruition:

If I can’t handle a centripetal force ride at the fair, there’s no way I’d get past basic training.

I can’t even stand to watch this video.

Plus I seriously doubt I’d be able to handle long periods of isolation.

Professional Figure Skater
It only takes watching your first Olympics as a child and thinking, “Yeah! That looks amazing, I could totally do that!” and then realizing that you A) lack the coordination to skate backwards, and B) really dislike the ice and cold in general.

Saving Orangutans in Malaysia
An IMAX documentary at the museum about a woman saving orangutans pulled at my heartstrings. When I left the theatre I seriously considered a life-altering career change to go join this woman in her plight to help these majestic creatures. Then I remembered a vacation where I forgot my tweezers and I was unable to pluck my eyebrows for a week. It drove me crazy.

Olympic Gymnast
The ease at which those girls hoist themselves up on the uneven bars made me think I could easily do the same at the local playground. I was wrong.

Seems obvious right? I love food. I blog about food. I eat food. And yet I don’t eat scallops, or cooked fish, or veal, or organs, or crustaceans or really anything that isn’t in your basic veggie+chicken+beef profile. Plus, my desire to save living creatures means boiling live crustaceans is out of the question.

Also I’m pretty sure I’d cry almost regularly in the kitchen. Those people are tough.

Flight Attendant
See: Astronaut

My voice isn’t nearly as good as I think it is when I’ve had a few drinks.

Armed Services
I’m a wimp when it comes to physical activity, and I’ve also been told I have a problem for authority.

What about you? Any dream jobs go by the wayside because the harsh realities of adulthood set in?